A Love Long Lost
by Red September91
Summary: Abandoned by his family shortly after Sirius' death, Harry trys to rebuild his life on his own. But nothing every goes to plan, and Harry finds himself lost in a cruel world, and finds himself unable to keep afloat alone. WARNING: SLASH
1. Prologue

Set after Harry's 5th year. All canon up to that point.

**Warning: Slash**

Prologue

It all started with a letter.

A small simple letter.

That I was too chicken to read.

I wish that back then I knew what was coming, of the rollercoaster journey I was about to take.

I should have been better.

I could have saved Sirius

I could have saved myself.

But I guess all these are moot points now.

And so here I sit, in this cold and darkened room, awaiting my lord and master.

Who knew this was where the great and noble Harry Potter was going to end up.

But I guess I should start from the beginning.

It all starts with a young lost boy, trying to find his way home…


	2. I feel abandoned in this inferno

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my laptop and my books.

Chapter 2: I feel abandoned in this parched and broken inferno.

Time moves fast, even though I wish it wouldn't. It's been just over a week since Sirius died, and I have yet to stop wishing that I could join him.

I'm on my way back to my loveless family, where I know I will only get ridicule and hatred for showing my grief, after all it's all I got last year after Cedric died.

Despite this, I'm looking forward to going home, where I can get away from my friends tip toeing round me like I'm going to suddenly explode at any second, or even worse being at Hogwarts where every time I enter the hospital wing to see said friends, I'm reminded of the night Hermione and I rescued Sirius in our third year.

They keep trying to convince me that it'll all get better if I just talk, but they don't understand. How could they? The only person who could possible understand is Luna, and I don't have the patience currently to try and decode the language she speaks.

"Harry, are you ok? You've not said a word all day."

Hermione, always trying to be everyone's mother. "I'm fine Hermione. I just need to get a bit of air."

I try to smile, but I don't think it comes out well as they all seem more concerned than they did before I said anything.

I'm starting to feel like I can't breathe anymore. Like the walls are closing in, my heart starts beating. Faster. Faster. Faster. I close my eyes to try and force the world to slow down, just long enough for me to catch my breath, to get back on my feet.

"Harry? Mate?"

Should have known Ron would follow me. Still I'm glad he interrupted before this, whatever it is, got too bad. I've had a couple of these… episodes since the department of mystery, though that seemed to be one of the worse so far.

I consider telling Ron that I'm fine, but I see no point, I know he won't believe me. So I just walk away. I know he'll follow me, but at least I'll have some time in a cubical in the bathroom to pull myself together and focus on trying not to show the depth of my despair to my friends.

Entering the toilet helps me to calm own. The cold tiles seem soothing, although I know the bright lights do me no favours, especially in front of my best friend.

"Mate, you look lie shit!"

"Jese Ron, you sure know how to make a guy feel special"

Ron smiles. I can see the pity. I hate it.

"It's nice to know this mood of your hasn't totally destroyed your sense of humour"

"Huh."

He looks confused, maybe he expected me to make a joke.

"What?"

"You call it a mood; I call it my godfather dying."

I decide to leave the bathroom then. I can't be around people right now. I just need to be away from people right now.

I decide to hide out in the sweet trolley room for the rest of the journey. The sweet lady wouldn't be coming back until we're almost in London, so I figure I have a lot time on my hands.

I sit in the corner of the small cupboard and I finally realise how tired I actually am. I guess a week of broken sleep can catch up with you. I decide to allow my eyes a short rest...

_LLL_

I wake up to the sweet lady asking me if I'm ok and that I really should get off the train before it heads back to Hogsmead.

I really should learn her name.

Still, I get up and exit the room apologising to her for the inconvenience. She just smiles and says goodbye. She has that pity smile too.

As soon as I leave the train, I can see the Weasley family. They are obviously looking for me, no doubt Hermione and Ron have been telling Mr and Mrs Weasley how distant I've been in the last week.

Probably saying how I haven't 'talked about my feelings'.

That's not true.

I talked to Nick.

Mrs Weasley sees me first. She comes over with her arms wide open all ready to hug me half to death.

I allow her, I'll never know the end of it if I don't.

I know she's talking, I can feel the vibrations, I just can't hear the words.

"Are you alright Harry dear? You look a little flushed."

"Yes Mrs Weasley, I'm fine"

"Ok then dear. Do you want us to wait with you for your family?"

"No, it's ok. I had a letter from my relatives, I'm making my own way home this year. We agreed that I'm old enough now."

It's a half truth. I was told that I would have to make my own way home this year, but I wasn't consulted about it. I just received a letter that stated that no one would be here this year to pick me up from Kings Cross.

Mrs Weasley doesn't look like she agrees with Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, but I guess she has no say in the matter.

"Well... I'm going to get off. Don't want it to take me all day to get home."

I try another smile, it works a little better this time. At least they don't appear too concerned with state of mind.

"Umm, Mr Weasley, could you please shrink my trunk please?"

He appears a little shocked that I have addressed him rather than his wife.

"Of course Harry."

I load my shrunken trunk into my school bag and set off to Little Winging.

**Sorry that nothing much has happened yet, I'm just trying to set the scene. Anyway I'm in need of a beta so if anybody can help me out it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you to fanfa2112 and NightFairy79 for favouriting my story. **


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